Not feeling particularly triggered but I do not want to get complacent either as today is the Christmas Luncheon for my husband’s firm. I do have lots of history with this crew both drinking and not. Okay, mostly drinking. Usually I would feel sorry for myself that I am not participating in the drinking part but today feels different. Right now as I sip my coffee I really do not want to participate. I want to be fully present for all of the conversation. I want to refrain from any catty comments or outright gossip which I only seem to engage in while drinking a bottle (or more) of wine. I want to enjoy the rest of my day and evening.
I have planned to do some baking while watching a Christmas movie this evening. I have not done Christmas baking in years and both my husband and my son are over the moon about this new development. If I am buzzed by 2pm the day will be done. There will be nothing left on the agenda besides more drinking and perhaps picking a fight with my husband. Yuck! I am the designated driver today and that makes me happy. That is a role that fits in perfectly with the woman I want to be. When drinking I always hated that I was the one who needed the ride and that I was actually too incapacitated to drive. While it was a responsible decision to refrain from taking the wheel, the fact that I had rendered myself incapable of doing so always made me feel sad and somewhat embarrassed. A wonderful memory I have of being sober previously, was after a “big” night of entertaining friends in our home I was driving them home and one of my guests said, “You are the queen. You come pick us up, cook us dinner, get us drunk, and then drive us home…” Now I really wasn’t the one getting anyone drunk and we all knew that but I was very content with who I was in that moment. I was the one who could handle an emergency if needed because of the gift of being sober and present. So, with that said, that is exactly who I want to be again today.
My plan is to eat very well this morning. I will also ensure that I am well hydrated. I will take my supplements to ensure I am not lacking in anything vital today. I will also take my big dog for a run to get the endorphins on my side. I then have to run to the mall very quickly to do an errand. I will come home and do a very quick kettle-bell work out. Feeling in shape and healthy will aid me in my decision to be alcohol free as I won’t be drinking away the hard work. The delightful “tired” feeling in my muscles will remind me of this. I will also remember that if the pressure comes to drink today I will use the excuse that I need to do some work later… Which is true – although only through email but I should be sober even for that. Surely my employer deserves that… I will also be very aware and in control of my thoughts. I am NOT missing out on anything – in fact I am the fortunate one at this event. I am excited to go and enjoy other people’s company alcohol free… I am excited to go and enjoy other people’s company alcohol free. I am excited to go and enjoy other people’s company alcohol free… That is my mantra for today. I will also try to develop some better non-bitter coping mechanisms while dealing with my husband’s assistant who tends to hit on him when drinking. I will try to stop wishing ill will on her head. That is only making me crazy – not her. So that is all for today.
Have a wonderful Wednesday!