Feeling a little unsettled this morning. I am trying to sit with it and wait until it passes. I am not sure what is causing it but I wish it would go away. I stayed in last night and worked on some tasks that needed doing. I did not allow myself to become my usual whirling dervish – I practiced the art of moving slowly. This was aided by my sore back. My husband had a buddy over to watch the hockey game. They drank some beers. I drank some lemon water. Beer is not my thing so I did not feel like I was missing out. Hockey is not my thing either. I think that some kind of exercise would really help me right now but for my back. Maybe I will take the dog for a walk and see if that helps at all. Yoga this afternoon for sure. Thank goodness for Bikram!
I bought some knitting needles and expensive yarn yesterday as I remember knitting helped during my last major stint with not drinking. My hands stay busy. Somehow the repetitiveness of the stitch keeps my thoughts from running amok, yet I am still able to watch tv or participate in conversation. Like a wine glass though, once I pick up the knitting needles I have a very tough time knowing when to put them down. Only the difference is that this habit creates imperfect scarves with lots of dropped stitches, not havoc, chaos, illness, and melancholy. It might even be less costly than the wine habit, although not if I keep buying this beautiful, yet expensive yarn (see photo below)
So this project will packed along with other art supplies for my vacation in Mexico next week. I plan to do a lot of creative art journalling. I will also make a trip to the book store today to ensure I have lots to read. I am living by the saying, “…to fail to prepare is to prepare to fail…” Tomorrow it will be two weeks since my final wine session. I am beyond grateful for these past days, even with the unsettled feeling today. It certainly beats the self-loathing that comes with the morning after a big night. So I will think on all of the things I am grateful for today and wait for these feelings to pass. And tomorrow I will write from the airport while we wait for the flight. And then later as we arrive at the resort for some major ACCOUNTABILITY!!!