So day two at the resort and all is well. I am really focussing on two things today. Firstly, gratitude and secondly, meditation. When we checked in last night I realized that we had a minibar in our room. My tummy dropped when I noticed this. Upon opening it I discovered cold Coronas but also cold mineral water. What a wonderful treat! I felt huge relief when I saw that it is mostly stocked with pop – which I don’t drink and water – which I do drink. These small victories are making all of the difference right now. But it is up to me to be present enough in the moment to first notice and then to become grateful. I notice that when I do that my thought processes really change.
We have a wonderful pool right off of our patio and spent about 30 minutes last night practicing some meditation stuff I have been reading about. I have heard over and over again about how much meditation can help those who are trying to change a habit or addiction. While surfing around on this topic I learned about a method that they teach at Choprak Centre called “so-hum.” On the inhalation you think the word “so” and on the exhalation you think the word “hum.” I have been reading a little book by another author on mediation that says happiness is found in being fully attentive to the present moment. I find that by doing the “so-hum” mediation it allows me to begin to be fully aware to what is happening at that moment. I was so very relaxed by the end of trying this last night in the pool. I am feeling a lot of gratitude for all that I am learning as a result of trying to work through my over-use of alcohol.
At lunch I did not allow myself to feel any envy/self-pity/resentment for those who were enjoying white wine, Corona, and various other blended cocktails. By choosing to think different thoughts I opened the door to notice the MANY folks who chose not to drink at lunch. Many just enjoy a cold glass of water. Some had a fresh glass of juice. Many, like myself, enjoy a delicious coffee after their lunch. Love it! Love it! Love it!
Following lunch I napped by the pool. Cannot understand how I was so tired when all we have done is relax so far but so be it. When I woke up I decided to do some laps to ensure I would sleep well tonight. I was swimming by three people who were drinking hard and smoking harder. It appeared to be a mom with her young adult daughter and the daughter’s boyfriend. I watched this group closely. Their conversation was animated, loud, dramatic. The daughter and her boyfriend got up to get another round and I watched the mom. She was very buzzed. I would not say that she looked happy. I felt such relief to be doing something else with my afternoon. I do not judge. That woman would have been me for sure if I had not resolved to quit and reached out for some support. My entire days and nights would have most certainly revolved around the bar. Instead, I am doing things like hiking, swimming, and meditating. Who’d have thought it possible? I am so proud of myself. This is truly the best Christmas gift I could have given myself…