A question to ponder…

Last night I watched the woman from Baltimore very carefully. We met this group of four the first or second night we arrived at our resort in the bar where my husband prefers to get his scotch. They drank. A lot. But especially this one woman in particular. Oh, and they smoked too. She had a deep smokers voice, the kind that sounds unnatural on a woman. Reminded me of my grandmother late into a party night. Or me, for that matter. Anyway, last night we went for dinner later into the evening. I saw this group come in and where were they seated? At the table next to us. I was irritated because I did not want to participate in drunken conversation. She was visibly impaired. She was loud. Her husband made many attempts shushing her, imploring her to be quiet. Her girlfriend looked fed up. The other male in the group was busy distancing himself. Someone ordered a Mojito. This woman wanted one too even though it was the very last thing she needed. She had lost the ability to articulate her words and so the request came out in a slurred, too loud, manly tone of voice. At one point she put her head on her partner’s shoulder and closed her eyes. For a moment, I think we all thought she had passed out. She left the table three times for a smoke break. Each time lurching toward the door as her balance was seriously compromised. I do not judge because she was me. But if ever I needed a scene to play out before me of what I would have looked like after drinking hard at the beach all day, then more drinking during après-beach in the outdoor lounge and to continue with a few more in the room while getting ready to go to dinner – this was the scene. No thanks. Whenever I got like that I always convinced myself that nobody knew how hammered I was. At this state of intoxication, my perception is that I am super cool and so very sophisticated. Actually I just look drunk, sloppy and silly. “Just one thing madam. When you were a little girl was this the woman you dreamed of becoming?” That is a quote from a book I was reading yesterday called “The Impossible Lives of Greta Wells” by Andrew Sean Greer. Just started it and that urgent question was within the first couple of pages. Serendipitous or what??! I love that question and have been pondering it ever since. What kind of woman did I dream of becoming when I was a little girl? Certainly not this woman who was seated next to me last night and who I have spent the last couple of decades perfecting. No. Not her. So, I bid her farewell. Forever, I pray. And I wish the woman from last night health and clarity in the New Year and I thank her for deepening my resolve. I wonder how many women over the years I helped to stay sober after witnessing my smashed self out in public? And they must catch their plane home this morning. At 7am. Hungover. Tired and undoubtedly cranky trying to piece together what happened the night before. I have the t-shirt for that show as well… So with alcohol out of the way for one more day, I can spend my time and energy becoming the woman I dreamed of being when I was a little girl…

One thought on “A question to ponder…”

  1. I laughed out loud at this line….. Whenever I got like that I always convinced myself that nobody knew how hammered I was. Hmm, I thought I was the only one who did that. This is a great post and I thinank you, especially with my upcoming trip this year. That has been me on vacation. I don’t want to be that woman everyone talks about. Just thinking about something I did last year at the resort on vacation makes me cringe…. I was that lady and this year I will not be. Just yesterday I had a thought….. this will be the first time I will fly w/o a hangover in a few years. How sad was that? So if I helped someone stay sober b/c they saw how stupid I acted drunk, I am happy. Now its my turn to be sober vacationer!

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