Pink Cloud Lifting?

Day 5 at the all-inclusive and not too much to report. We have today and tomorrow and then Sunday we travel home. I had to face-time my kids and my mom who staying at our house looking after them last night. She (my mom) was not at home but over at one of my bestest buddy’s house drinking wine. Though they tried to hide it from me, I knew exactly what was happening. I am not sure why but I felt irritated and triggered by that and couldn’t wait to get off of face-time with them. Actually, I know why – I felt left out. Not their issue – mine. The three of us have shared many, many bottles of wine. We even travelled to New York City together to celebrate my girl friend’s 40th birthday. My mom actually does not drink that much – she likes a glass or maybe two a couple of times a week. She is also the one who knows what a problem my wine habit has been for me over the years and has worried endlessly about how it will all end. But chatting with them last night made me hesitant about going home and about how I will handle the holidays. I really just want to be happy about where I am and not feel like the odd woman out around all of our visitors.
The feeling of elation is lifting (or the pink cloud) and my feelings or thoughts have gone from, “hey I am really doing this!!” to “Whatever…” which I don’t think is a great space to be in. Or maybe it is. Maybe I just have to sit with it. Maybe it will pass if I don’t hang on to it and dwell too much over it.
My plan is to get some exercise at the gym today perhaps a run on the treadmill as it is not so easy to run around here. I will also do some weights. I have been swimming laps in the pool each evening which I find very meditative. So off to breakfast now… Have a great day!


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