I will never give up…

I am relieved to have taken drinking off the table these past days and when I wake up in the morning I cannot tell you how wonderful it is not to have that chemical taste in my mouth and the achy headache at my temples and the queasy stomach all day long. God Almighty why do I do this to myself??? For some reason I was mad once again at my husband for my drinking issues – I don’t know how I come to that in my head but I do. I become cold and bitter towards him and it is totally not fair. But then we went to a play last night and I saw myself in a character onstage – a bitter, hard drinking, mean wife. It shook me right out of my mean girl boots and thankfully I decided to knock my bullshit off. For that I am grateful. My body is so slow right now. It seems that every time I stop drinking again, it takes days and days to get enough rest, vitamins etc. to feel back to normal. I seem to run on the sugar and adrenaline and when the supply stops I freaking crash like no other. I did not even get out of bed until almost 11 am something I don’t do even after a long night of drinking the night before. So here I sit once again trying to find the momentum and strength to stop this shit once again and move on with a life well lived. So tonight I will summon the strength to get back to my yoga practice which will also use up my night and I never feel like drinking after sweating my ass off for 90 minutes in the hot room. And Thursday night has always been a trigger – so has every other day of the week but especially those days that are closer to the weekend…One thing that I am proud of myself is that I will never fucking give up trying to stop this senseless habit because it turns me into the worst version of myself. Yay for me! Sort of-

2 thoughts on “I will never give up…”

  1. Hi my name is Maureen. I suffered like you did. Then my 24 year old son said to me ” Mom, I think you are an alcoholic”. That was it for me. I never realized once I picked up that first glass of wine a craving started in me that I had no control over. I had tried to control it forever. But I could not. And I never will. I found all of this out when I went to AA. I am a successful businesswoman, loving Mom and Wife. Today I am free. I have been sober since November 27, 2011. You can be too, feel free to email me if you have questions. I had no clue what AA was like. Thought a bunch of Bowery bums. So not the case. The program is the only known solution for alcoholism. I have amazing supportive women and men of aa in my life today who understand. I wish you peace and serenity and a life beyond your wildest dreams. That is what my sober life gas given me! xoxoxo Maureen

    1. Hi Maureen – thanks for your share here – what is it about our kids that can motivate us so fast. I have tried AA and must admit that was the longest stint of sobriety for me – 7 months if I remember correctly and then returned but sporadically. I am trying to gather the courage to *consider* returning. Wondering if online meetings might help…

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