The view of the vineyard where we are staying is breathtaking. We are in wine country in Canada on our annual cycling trip. I have done one of these trips entirely sober, “fell off the wagon” midway through the next trip, and last year I drank HEAVILY from beginning to end. So here we are on year four and I will not drink. We did not even get 30 minutes out of town yesterday before the group decided that we needed to stop and watch the FIFA game at a pub. For some reason I really resented that everything in my life STILL tends to revolve around drinking where my husband is concerned. I was “hot and bothered” when I jumped on my bike and I took off like a bat out of hell trying to blow off some steam. And this morning as I reflect back on my thought yesterday that everything revolves around drinking and I ask myself, is that true? And of course it isn’t but my mind works in extremes. That thought was on the way to helping me pick-up but the intense work-out helped to reframe my stinking thinking. And for that I am grateful. And this morning I feel great.
I came away with a plan and with support. I have access to online video meetings at In The Rooms. I did not have the right technology to access these meetings remotely, so my husband helped ensure that I did have access to the needed technology (yes the same ogre from yesterday who “only ever wants to drink and never helps me in my sobriety…”). So I have access to daily meetings while I am away. I have made arrangements to check in daily with sober friends. I brought lots of sober reading materials. I brought a care package of tea and a beautiful mug to ensure that I have something lovely to drink when others are enjoying cocktails. But mostly I am standing guard in my mind to catch any extreme and untrue thoughts that can still create chaos in my head which can then lead me to pick up a drink. I am better sober. The best biking trip I had so far was the sober one. The worst? I will let you guess. I was hungover and I managed to hurt a friend’s feelings. One night down and I am so damn grateful for how good I feel this morning. I am embracing my sobriety today and I feel so much freedom. There is really only one thing in the world that I truly cannot do and that is pick-up a drink – everything else is fair game. And the funny thing is if I pick up that drink suddenly there are so many things that I either cannot do or don’t wanna do because it would interfere with my drinking time. Sad really and this way is so much bigger and better and healthier… Have a great day!