Been Awhile

It has been such a long time since I have posted. I don’t know if that is laziness or the fact that I am out there living my soberlicious life and not obsessing over it too much. Just doing it. A lot has happened in the past few weeks. First of all, we went to Cuba. Yes, another all-inclusive. We took my in-laws, who I adore but need some assistance travelling to places that are unfamiliar. We also took our kids who are of drinking age now. It was definitely a struggle at times being the one who does not drink in such a drinking obsessed setting. I had no recovery meetings, no phone plan, and internet was not viable where we were. So my usual “action plan for vacation” was not possible. Essentially, I was absolutely cut off from all of my usual supports. I was on my own. Just me and my crazy thoughts backed up by my even crazier reactions. And no one to bounce things off of. I cannot emphasize enough how precious my group of sober friends have become to me. And to be cut off in a place far away from home, where the main focus is drinking was daunting to say the least. Sometimes I did very well (patting myself on the back) and other times even I shook my head at myself as I listened to myself reacting, reacting, reacting.

Each day at dinner in the main dining room there was a “drink of the day” – where the hell was that nice touch when I was drinking at an all-inclusive??? Never, not one time was there a “drink of the day” when I fully participating in the bar scene at various all-inclusive resorts in the past. When I would politely decline the drink of the day, the servers would act out a crying scene at their shock and dismay of my not wanting the sangria or rum punch or whatever… This went on until I finally thought, ENOUGH!!!, I am going to educate these folks on the fact that some people physically cannot drink. My plan was to tell the servers that I am in recovery and that this nightly scene makes me very uncomfortable. I would show them and there would be apologies and enlightenment on their part, perhaps a non-alcohol version of the drink of the day would be born. All roses and rainbows in my crazy-train head as I enacted how things would go. And then the moment of clarity struck. These servers are doing their job. And they are doing it very, very well. They are catering to the 99.999999% of the guests – I am the one who is somewhere she ought not to be. Rather than trying to change them, I need to never (ever, ever, ever) visit another all-inclusive resort. They are no longer set up for the type of traveller that I have *proudly* become. You know the one who wants to see and experience a different culture. The traveller who remembers every single evening of her vacation. The traveller who does not make an ass of herself at the lounge/pool/beach/show the day before and then have to face everyone at the breakfast buffet all hungover and humiliated the next morning. The traveller who does not waste a single moment of her vacation on self-inflicted illness. The servers do not need to change their actions – I need to change mine.

In many ways, it was a wonderful week. Lots of family time. And while the lack of internet posed problems for me connecting with my sober folks back home, I must admit it was AWESOME to have my kids entirely unplugged for the whole week. I came home feeling drained and in need of another vacation but I take from it the positive awareness that I am different now. I am waaaay more comfortable catering and caring for my sober life. Period. And this change is good. Next time I will go on a hiking/biking/kayaking kind of vacation where the focus is on exploring and experiencing new things. And all will be well. That is the kind of traveller I am now. When I was drinking those bloody activities got in the way of the drinking time. How very sad. So glad I am not her anymore. So glad to be home! (Ten months today – yay me!!!)

Published by: shineshine100

I am a woman who realized that alcohol was taking the joy and vibrancy out of my life. It was an old, fickle friend who turned on me. I needed to let the habit go. Simple but not easy. This blog and the connections I made here helped. A lot. And for that I will always be grateful. Without wine, I have created a beautiful and deeply meaningful life. I am now a certified recovery coach helping others create their own beautiful lives... Thanks for stopping by!

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10 thoughts on “Been Awhile”

  1. Yes. Yay you!
    I think you have more than .000001 % company in the not drinking. But I expect it feels that way in places like that, where, the last time I went, we drank breakfast, lunch and dinner and everything in between.

    10 months is awesome. You are living an amazing life. How liberating.

    So happy for you.

    Lots of love


  2. Congrats on 10 months. I have given up drinking for lent the last 3 years but last year was really hard, I was so unhappy so this year I decided to check out some blogs to see if I could get some help and that’s how I found your blog. I really connected to your story and have found it very helpful. I’m starting to think I need to stop drinking for more the 40 days! Last year when I quit I was so miserable and this year, after reading your site I am feeling great, sleeping great and clear and present all day long. I told my husband I’m seriouslly thinking about not drinking again and he took it ok, I’m not sure about my friends! Thank you so much for sharing, its been so helpful. I have to admit I was worried when you hadn’t posted in a month and was so happy to see you this morning. Oh I love mornings now, no having to lie in bed and try to remember what I did the night before!

    1. You are amazing Sheila and your comments have made my day. I found that my true friends completely supported me and one is even a fan of my blog now!!! The others will fade into the background and while it hurts for a bit to realize they were “friends for a season” I am finding that this process made room for new friends who are also sober and living their best ever lives and those are the folks I LOVE to hang with because they inspire me to be the best me I can be… I have never regretted a single sober day but I have regretted so many drunk days… Take care of you and thanks again for your comments – my day is brighter because of them…

  3. Congratulations on 10 months. We used to take all inclusive vacations too. I realized last summer when we were at an open bar party, that I would never be able to do that again. I actively avoid uncomfortable situations. All inclusive, and cruises would put me in a shit mood, and ruin my vacation. I congratulate you on making it through. You are strong, and committed.
    Stay strong!

  4. Thank you for this. I have been thinking about you lately!

    I did not enjoy the all-inclusive Cuba scene either, although when we got out of the resort and hired a guide to take us on a tour of Havana it was a great experience. You are SO right – that “nothing but booze” environment is not the best for us recovery peeps.

    There are some all-inclusives that have a more health-focused menu and activity plan, which could be a better experience. And I clearly remember seeing “Friends of Bill” on the activity sheet at Atlantis resort in Bahamas and wondering “What is that? What would be going on so early in the morning at resort?” (I was still drinking at the time and wanted to quit – wouldn’t that have been the perfect place for a first meeting??!)

    The best part about sober travels is that we waste less money and time. I love being present and aware of every moment!

    1. So great to hear from you – feel like I am always up to date with you and the others from the Bubble Hour – you guys are knocking it out of the park each week. I recommend ya’all to everyone I know in recovery… Love ya!

  5. Ok, so do I have to be in recovery to be part of this enlightening, positive group of women? Does drinking a bottle of wine in a truck while watching your daughter’s university soccer game count? Throwing up in that same truck and by the side of the road afterwards give me bonus points? Ahhh yes, even those of us who only occasionally “overdrink” feel deep shame and regret the morning after! Please know that after reading all of the “Unsmashed” blogs, I feel very lucky that for whatever reason, probably genetic (because I know I AM NOT any more well-adjusted than anyone else), I am able to make a choice to simply say “no thanks” and not continually dream about the bottle of Patron in my pantry. Not that I always make that choice and therein lies my connection to all of you wonderful women – regardless of where one is on the continuum of drinking – truly living your best life doesn’t include alcohol. Life is too precious and short to be lived in a hazy reality, not able to be present in anyone’s life, particularly your own. I never totally understood the struggle related to drinking until I read “Unsmashed” and now appreciate the courage and strength it takes for all of you to live your best life one day at a time. Trust that your real friends will support your decision not to drink, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if they were inspired by it. I know I was.
    Have a wonderful tomorrow!

  6. This is a totally “all-inclusive” blog! So welcome unprincipled to this group of totally cool women who happen not to drink or are interested in the sober life… And yup, that all counts! Love your comments – you should totally be writing your own blog – I have a feeling you would have lots of material šŸ™‚

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