Sober Fun

Sober fun. If I am honest, I often wondered if those two words were/are and oxymoron. When I was drinking, my biggest fear was that I would never again have crazy fun. What a lie. The fun had left my drinking career long, long before. But yet that question still remains. Still has the power to haunt me. All this sober living has me wondering at times if I am taking myself a wee bit too seriously. Surely I can drink occasionally… Was it really all that bad??? Insidious little voice asking dangerous, life threatening questions. With a bit of perspective and a chat with my sponsor, I am able to recognize that voice as the addict within me desperately trying to get me to do what we have always done together.

I noticed the voice being loud and disruptive this time while we were checking in to our favourite hotel in a beautiful city that we love to visit. My in-laws were travelling with us. For me, travel, hotels, weekends away all meant a free pass to drink with abandon. Not that I needed a pass to drink how I wanted anyway – but when on the road I figured that kind of behaviour was what everyone did, it was expected. And so it was that I found myself agitated and upset after we had arrived in our lovely room overlooking the harbour. Plans were made for others to go out and purchase beer and wine. I felt sorry for myself. I felt left out. I felt mad that I can’t join in for the happy hour simply because my happy hour will take over the afternoon, evening and ruin the next day. But mostly I was mad that this far down the road I can still feel like this. Shouldn’t I be past it all? Over it? Why, after all of this work and all of these sober days strung together can this still fu@k with my head?

I ate some chocolate and went into the other room to have a nap. I love the author, Anne Lamott, who is also in recovery. She has reduced praying to three simple but powerful words: WOW! THANKS! HELP! How great is that?! Every moment can fit one of those prayers. So simple. So manageable. I shot up a few HELP! prayers and took it easy for a while. I got up, did some yoga and dressed for dinner. We went out to a really cool spot and had some great eats. It was only much later on while reflecting on the day that I realized I made it through – I didn’t just make by white knuckling it through. No, I had a lovely dinner and evening without alcohol. I had fun. I was sober. Sober fun. The best kind of fun. No regrets. No hangovers. No bullshit. Just fun. Didn’t really give it a thought – dinner without alcohol, tea upon returning to the room. My HELP! prayer was answered quietly but completely. And how grateful (shot up a THANKS! prayer) I was to be closing my eyes completely sober.

That voice would have taken me down before. I am so glad I have some tools in the tool box to deal with those moments now. Recognizing a destructive thought pattern is a tool. Removing myself from a “slippery” situation is a tool. Prayer is a powerful tool. Resting is a tool. Yoga is a tool. Perhaps I will have those moments for the rest of my life. But I do know that I am sooooooo glad I did not drink. I have never once woken up the next morning and had regrets that I did NOT drink but I have woken up hundreds (probably thousands) of mornings and so regretted the drinking I DID do the night before. I have drank in that city many, many times before and all of those memories are tinged with sadness. It is disappointing to not be your best self. I had a few tough moments, but I was my best self visiting that beautiful city this past time. THANKS!

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Published by: shineshine100

I am a 47 year old woman who is trying to live her best one and only life by putting down the wine glass and moving forward. I am a wife. I am a mom of three teens. I am a teacher. When not wasting time sipping poison I love to hike, bike, read, ski, cook, and do yoga.

Categories Uncategorized6 Comments

6 thoughts on “Sober Fun”

  1. Beautiful response to discomfort.
    The booze adds nothing for us. Maybe it did once, that small spark of decadence because it was not usual behaviour. But once it became the norm, it just wasn’t fun. And I can’t imagine it ever will be again.

    You sound like you are enjoying yourself.

    As an aside, have you considered asking your travel companions to support you in not drinking? It sounds like it is your close family. Perhaps asking them to forgo the drinking would help you avoid those feelings of being the odd man out.

    Enjoy your self. You are a shining sober light!

    Anne

    1. Thanks Anne! These folks really don’t over drink at all. My mother-in-law has one maybe two glasses of wine… She would certainly stop if I asked but I really want to be part of the world… It is my work to do for now.

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