Routines, Funks and Other Irritable Stuff

So many changes happening lately – wrapping up a contract job, getting hired for a new job, kids coming home, kids leaving home, kids graduating from high school. Routines are interrupted or hard to maintain. I spend a lot of time in a city nearby where we have recently purchased a very small condo. And while I love being there it takes me days to get back into the swing of things when I return. My meetings are sporadic. My yoga practice as well. I never seem to have enough time to get things done. Our dog’s pal from across the road was hit by a car two days ago and passed away. I saw the owners taking their garbage can to the curb. I was so sad for them but so uncomfortable to face them that I hid behind the weeds in my flower bed secretly begging them to go back up their driveway before they noticed me. And then I saw myself cowering, hiding, avoiding and knew that was definitely NOT right action in this situation. I forced myself to go over and offer my heartfelt condolences. That was not easy for me to do. I worry that I might be intruding or that people don’t want to talk about their losses or sadness. I was so glad I did. And so were my neighbours. But all of this has led me to a funk. I am struggling to find and keep a routine that works for me right now. I am scattered, unfocused and distracted. And I don’t like it.

This is compounded by the fact that I feel somewhat “outed” since taking my one year cake in the rooms a few weeks ago. While it was such a huge blessing to be able to share that milestone with those closest to me, it has also changed the way people approach my CHOICE to live an alcohol free life. Many think they can offer advice on what I need in a moment or can simply talk openly in front of others about my life choice. I have others who are “coddling” me in social situations where others are drinking and holy smokes do these well-intentioned folks get my back up. The way I see it is this: I diagnosed my problem. Following that I tried many methods to solve my problem. When all else failed, I got help from the pros in the rooms. There was no job loss. There was no license loss. There was no jail time or failed marriages or bankruptcies or interventions. I am very aware that all of that could have been coming my way, except I CHOSE to change. I did not ride the garbage truck all the way to the dump… I got off the truck. I realized that the light had gone out inside of me and I DECIDED to do something about it. In fact, most in my circle could not or would not believe there was truly a problem in the first place. Many thought my quitting and attending recovery meetings was actually an over-correction. Didn’t matter though because I knew and that was all I needed. If I choose to pick up it will be my choice alone and there is not a damn thing anyone else can do about it. You guys in the rooms KNOW this – I am preaching to the choir on that one. You all know that ultimately this is my rodeo. No human being could have cured this problem…

So that is where I am at – honestly – at the moment. I know that there is not a hope in hell I am picking up a glass of wine over this today. I know that doing that would only make things worse in a very quick way. But I would love to hear from you – what is your routine each day? And advice on handling my loved ones who are smothering me right now… One thing I know after doing all of this work over the past year(s) is that this too shall pass and that feelings are not facts. This is a funk and it will change. Everything changes… Grateful to be able to get this out and not be hiding in the weeds of my flower garden hoping not to have to interact with humanity! Have a great day XOX

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Published by: shineshine100

I am a 47 year old woman who is trying to live her best one and only life by putting down the wine glass and moving forward. I am a wife. I am a mom of three teens. I am a teacher. When not wasting time sipping poison I love to hike, bike, read, ski, cook, and do yoga.

Categories Uncategorized4 Comments

4 thoughts on “Routines, Funks and Other Irritable Stuff”

  1. Congrats on the one year.

    Perhaps it is time to have an open discussion with your loved ones about what you need (or don’t need). People are just trying to help. Sometimes they take it too far. They can’t know that unless we are honest about it.

    As for routine…could you have a plan to spend 15 minutes a day sitting and breathing? Or doing a few sun salutations? Perhaps that small, but consistent action would help you centre yourself regardless of where you are.
    It’s exciting and in to travel, but being at home, with all your stuff, is comforting. So find a way to bring that comfort with you. Your peace is inside. So it travels with you!

    glad to hear from you!

    Anne

    1. All good ideas Anne – so great to hear from you! Yes, I am going to have some conversations with some folks – that is for sure… Hopefully they hear it with the love and compassion (and gratitude) I have for each of them… Wish me luck!

  2. First, you are someone I look up to – I mean that sincerely. I love what you wrote and love your sunny personality. You are working a great program and I truly admire you. Second, oh my lanta, it is irritating when we are treated as if we are fragile. It seems passive aggressive, but really I think it’s just some lag time on their understanding. Remember when you first got sober and thought “I can never do this, I won’t be able to do that, things will be so hard, yadayada”? But after a while you realized it was just…normal life? It just takes others a while longer to figure it out because they don’t think recovery 24/7 like we do. A big hug and an awkward cartwheel in honour of your anniversary! Congrats!! Jean

    1. Thanks Jean – I appreciate your encouragement! And you are right – they just need time to figure out how this all works now… I will be patient… Love hearing from you!

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