A few years back, I started drinking again after some time (think weeks) sober at Easter dinner. My mom’s house can be “triggery” for me as I used to sip wine all evening with her as my husband drank with my step-dad. So I have noticed that for the past while (think two years) I have avoided going there. We meet at my house. Or downtown. Or anywhere.
But this past weekend we spent Easter Sunday at my mom’s house. When we arrived I sat outside in the sunshine looking over her garden and cleaning the celery plant out. Because gardening makes me feel calm. I went to visit my grandmother at her assisted living facility because that was a priority for me. Mom and I went for a long walk before dinner. I ate so much ham and scalloped potatoes that I needed another walk after dinner. When we arrived home, my mom made us a hot pot of tea. And around 11:00pm, following a long, leisurely visit with my mom, I went to bed alcohol free. What a feeling.
I reminisced about the Easter I began drinking again at my mom’s dinner a few years prior. The angst I felt was instant. I was not even through the first glass and I KNEW I was making a mistake. The wondering about the next glass was immediate. The watching the levels on the available wine started as my fear of running out kicked in. It was shocking how quickly my thought processes were abducted to the obsession of more. I could not be present for anyone there. My only concern was keeping my wine glass topped up. I went to bed drunk. I woke up hung-over and angry. I hated myself.
We woke up early Monday morning. We ate a big breakfast and enjoyed steaming lattes. I felt great. I thanked my folks for their hospitality and we drove to our hometown about four hours away. There is no comparison between the two dinners and the two women I have experienced being. I am grateful for my alcohol-free life. I am grateful for the woman I have become. I am sad for the woman I was. She was lost. She was frustrated. She was afraid. She was a hostage to her habit. I am grateful for my alcohol-free life…
unsmashed.com 
I was seriously worried there for a minute.
Easter 2016 sounds lovely. Easter of years past sounds sadly familiar.
No where either of us need to return.
Anne
Hahaha – I went back and reread my post. Definitely sounds like I was drinking again this easter – that GOODNESS that is NOT the case… Phew. Edited the post… Love ya!
Like Anne, I was worried that your first sentence meant you had started drinking again. What a relief to read the whole post! Your recent Easter celebration sounds so good. I used to be “hostage to my habit” too, and I’m so absolutely pleased to be free from that. Glad you’re doing so well. xo
Thanks thirsty! I appreciate so much the encouragement I get when I post!!
I edited my post – you and Anne were totally right – sounds like I started drinking again this Easter. And THANKFULLY I have not… It has since been edited 🙂
i went and visited my grandma in her assisted living facility on easter, also! we haven’t had scalloped potatoes for easter dinner since she became unable to make them– too bad, they were my favorite side dish, even if she did always made them from a box :). so grateful you and i were both sober so we could visit these special women. we eat at my aunts, where wine and beer are abundant and consumed by most. i’ll take my coffee and clear memory of my grandmother gladly, any day. happy easter and conquering of a triggery spot to you, shine!
Your words inspire me – it is so much better sober. I love that I can be present for the people I love now…
I realized it’s been a while since you posted and I thought I’d check in and say hi. I hope you’re doing ok. As I think we live in the same part of the world, I can also say I hope you’re enjoying this glorious weather! Take care xo
I am doing well – thanks thirsty still -busy with a fulfilling, sober life and what could be better than that?! Love it and thanks for thinking of me ❤