Lately I have been noticing the role that sugar is playing in my life. This is not an entirely new awareness. In the early days of not drinking, I used sugar very intentionally. As a reward. To make me feel better. To give me something to look forward to. There was no way I was going to deny myself ANYTHING else. However, this past January I realized that this “tool” had gotten completely out of control. I could not make it past lunch time without some kind of sweet treat. I am not sure if it is my age or the fact that most days I feel so good compared to my drinking days but my energy was waning. The only thing that would pick it up temporarily was planning what sweet treat I was going to make, buy, consume. It would occupy a lot of space in my thoughts. It reminded me of days gone by, planning when I would drink. With who. Where. What kind of wine. My drinking was a reward for “getting through” my days, my life. When I began making the connection of how I previously used wine to how I was presently using sugar it was startling. I had read many times that sugar addiction or misuse lights up the very same areas in the brain that alcohol does. I was certain that was an over-correction and that surely all the positive benefits of not drinking alcohol would more than make up for any “perceived” negative effects of consuming sugar.
All of this to say that I have now kicked sugar to the curb. I can no longer deny that my consumption of sugar absolutely mirrors my consumption of wine. What started out as occasional has become a daily routine. My mood is tied to it. The perception of my enjoyment for life is tied to it. Brain fog. Energy management is part of my sugar consumption. All of these things are now tangled up in my love for sugar. So an experiment. I want to live sugar free and observe.
This is what I love about recovery. There are so many layers to it. I never “arrive” as there is always something else to be discovered. It is a dynamic, evolving process. Part of my personal creed is :
I value clarity of mind, body and soul and will not be controlled or distracted by any substance or dogma…
That means farewell to sugar… And I think my body is totally thanking me for it. Can’t be sure until these headaches pass – part of the withdrawal process I have learned. Scary shit.